Passion // 09.05.19

I'm starting to feel less funky. It seems like no matter what I do I can't help but feel stuck when things start to run stagnant. Maybe that's the INFP Aquarian way, I prefer things to be in constant flow, nothing staying the same.
This week has been all over the place, and I have been meaning to write it all out so I can begin processing. I have finally carved away a tiny slice of time in which I can say something in my cosy little Internet space, I am wearing my favourite pants, the bright pink fuzzy ones with white polka dots all over. Aaaand bed socks, oh yeah, winter is here. To complete my sexiest of ensembles, my favourite jumper, the navy Heart Foundation one that I used to wear for demonstration days when I was part of my jump rope team in high school. (Those were the days . . .)
I fear that I may have gone off on a tangent. I'd apologise but it's my own damn blog and I am allowed to write whatever the hell I bloody want! And I want to write about how snu…

Starfish // 28.4.19

I refuse to stay still; I will not be a starfish.
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to do this scooter snorkel experience thing in Botany. It was pretty fun, though I only got to see one fish and the water was a bit cold. The actual experience of driving the scooter was groovy though, and I enjoyed the van ride that we went on to get to Bare Island from the store. Our instructor/guide/lifesaver was so funny and chill and trustworthy, though the hot chocolate was a lie. :(
It's insane to think of people who have this kind of lifestyle, diving like every week and in all different parts of the world. I'd imagine you'd see a lot of great wonders of the world that way, though money would be quite tight. In the end, they sold us a 2 day course to learn how to scuba dive at a $100 discount per person. I'm quite nervous to try scuba diving again, but I'd love to be able to do it, it's just getting over that fear of the unknown, the fear of drowning, or of being tra…

Journal: This is going to be messy + long // 26.4.19

I'm just going to word-vomit all over the place here. (My mind is fucking ehh..??? I just bloody need this out of my head.) This is just for me, so that I remember.
Port Macquarie (20-21/4)

- Driving up to Port with Kev (my little brother) and my bf was so fun! I'm glad that they were able to get to know each other a little better; my bf's mum even got to meet Kev and he came into their home while my bf was finishing packing up. Is this what I will have to endure for the rest of my life? (See: I want to be with someone more forthcoming so I don't have to nag and nag until I die.)

- Kev almost got the vegetarian burger but decided instead to get the worst possible thing, environmentally and ethically speaking. *sigh* Deep breaths... (And my bf ordered my latte with cow milk, yikes! It's okay, it's okay, I ran up to the counter and fixed the order and just let it roll by, but if it happens again then that's when shit gets real. -- It just reaffirms that I can…

Rosy // 25.4.19

I am leaning on the precipice, hands splayed out and grasping onto the edge. My nose is stretched before me, pointed down into the dark gaping hole that is the infinite unknown. It is uniquely frightening, yet undeniably essential. Growth begins outside of your comfort zone. 

Tomorrow marks my last shift at the kids ward as a full time nurse. I have been trying to get out since I first went full time, so while I am sad to be leaving I am also relieved. There is a lot that I feel anxious about, but I need this, and I want to believe this is the right thing for me, a good thing. I am so happy, my cup is full. At work today all the girls were asking me questions about my new work and we were taking lots of photos together. I hate attention but in amongst the anxiety I also managed to have a bit of fun with it all too. I am blessed to have had a pretty good shift.

I honestly have been so frazzled and busy and all over the place that I haven't even been able to write about my Port Macq…

Port Macquarie // 19.4.19

When I think of Port Macquarie, this is what comes to mind. I'm sure not many other people can say that they have the same idea of this very Aussie beach town along the upper coast of NSW. I loved driving up to Port as a child, doing nothing much really, just hanging around, playing card games, folding paper napkins and eating yummy Chinese food. Yeah, when I think of Port Macquarie I think of my heritage. I remember splashing around in the waves at the beach in my skivvy and long board shorts, goggles and all, siblings alongside me. I remember the long drives, how we would always stop at a McDonalds or some other fast food joint at a seemingly random place in the middle of nowhere. Port Macquarie was always warm, and felt like summer.
I think of my family, my bloodlines.
This time I will be going up there and my boyfriend is coming along too. It's sort of a big thing for me? I'm quite nervous, I don't know what is going to happen, and it'll be like going back hom…